How He Loves Us

If you read my last post, then you'll remember that lately I have been struggling with faith....just enough that it's really making me want to the seek the Lord even more!  I don't want to settle with  religion and tradition, I want an alive and breathing relationship. 

Anyways one day I realized, why am I holding back my questions? Why am I not admitting to struggling with faith?

I suppose I haven't because I have't had a chance to realize exactly where things are at. Maybe also because I feel I really shouldn't question God when I am a pastor's wife...

But then I felt like the Lord was saying,  "if you're having questions/doubts/fear, why don't you talk to me about them? I would be the one to disprove your doubts, and show you who I am." And so one night I just prayed to God and said I am just not really sure where I am at right now but I really want to know You. I prayed that God would speak to me, that He would show Himself to me. Somehow in the midst of business of raising a family, taking care of a church, being a wife,friend,daughter,mom etc - I got lost....and so did my priorities.

2 Nights ago I couldn't sleep and I feel like God used my sleepless night to speak to me.

I had a rough day with Elijah. He was teething and subsequently had been crying all day and to be perfetly honest, just driving me crazy. But by night time, I was just thinking about how much I love him and how much joy he brings to my life.

And, the more I enjoy time with my son and just thank God for him - I feel like God's fatherly heart is being revealed to me.

For instance, even though I had a rough day, I couldn't stop thinking about how I just want to shower him with gifts on his Birthday...just to show him how much I love him. I was also thinking about how he needs our time, our love and affection, and how we'd pay anything........for his safety, for his health, etc.

And it's like God spoke to me and said that's how He feels about us. We sin, we fall away, we push Him away...and yet his heart is overbrimming with love and affection for us. He wants to spend time with us....and he paid the ULTIMATE price for our lives by sending his one and only son to earth to die to abolish slavery to sin....to rise again.....and bring glory to His name....

He is King.....and He is Father.

He is amazing.

And how He loves us so....